Those Days

Today was a Tuesday that felt like a Monday. It was a day when you reach the bottom of your second cup of coffee and forget when you even made that second cup. Today was a day when your theme song was “One of Those Days”by Joshua Radin. It was a day that I remembered I was going to pick up a bottle of wine…after I was already home. (And not the cheap crap that people in their 20s seem to think it’s ok to drink. Let’s be serious here)

I suppose it all started around 1 am, at 1:07 am to be exact. My phone (which of course doubles as my alarm) started ringing, a wrong number. No, I didn’t answer and have some trippy, half-asleep conversation with a stranger. What did go down was me staring at my phone as it continued to ring while I tried to figure out what was happening. Is my alarm going off? Why does it look like a phone number? Do I have 1 minute and 7 seconds left in my snooze time? Am I supposed to wake up when it’s this dark out? Eventually my instincts took over and I simply hit the lock button to stop the ringing, replaced my phone in its proper overnight spot, and snuggled back into bed. I’d been asleep a little over an hour. And I never found that heavenly deep sleep the rest of the night. Quite frankly, the rain hitting the window just kept confusing me for the next 6 hours. (Is it a raccoon? Is it still raining? Do I get to sleep now?)

Then the day actually began. You know the kind: you get asked about everything that is literally on your to do list for the day, and while you know you’ve been busy the past few days, you can’t think of what exactly you were doing that prevented you from completing those tasks. Where’s the neon sign screaming, “Hey I’m the new girl! Hear my incompetence roar!” Oh wait, there it is…right on my forehead. Not to mention all the things that come up during the day that have to be dealt with immediately.

By the way, it was cold and rainy all day. Of course.

Thankfully I can sit and write this from the comfort of my yoga pants, wineless but able to look to tomorrow without a pit of dread in my stomach. I recognize that that’s not a given. We all have “those days” that turn into “those weeks” and maybe even more. Truth be told, the past three months have felt like “those months” because that’s what happens when you totally uproot yourself and dive headfirst into a brand new life. Sometimes it just sucks. And that’s ok.

What’s really cool and humbling and wonderful is that even in “these months” (or especially in “these months”?), there are moments of grace, joy, and wonder peppered throughout. The best is when God gets a little heavy-handed in his peppering, and I get overwhelmed with how much he loves me and carries me in my innumerable faults and empowers me to be pretty freaking awesome. At least when I let him. That last bit never seems to stick. But everyday is another chance to try. 

No wait, not try. How could I forget Yoda's wisdom? "Do or do not. There is no try."

Ok. Here I go.